The Big Peace

How are the Christmas preparations coming along? Is your hair
standing on end? Well, what if that was just Ok?
The road to The Big Peace is far more about self acceptance than
how to lead the perfect life. Most of my friends are all wonderfully
organised and tidy. For years, I have looked at their lives, taken
notes, thought ‘that is so impressive’, and devised a constantly
growing ‘to do’ list of things like: ‘must be more organised, must
be tidier, must bake ginger bread men cookies for my tree,
must have matching socks’. And I never, ever managed it.
All my to-list did was keep me running, always out of breath,
always trying and failing to reach the standards I set myself. What
would happen if I tore it up, I pondered?
So I wrote my ultimate list of everything I had to do to have the
perfect Christmas: all the things I felt I ’should’ do to
be shiny AND PERFECT – from wearing matching knickers and bra on
Christmas day to sending Christmas cards to my whole database.
(What do you mean you didn’t receive yours?)
Then I ripped it up and waited for chaos to ensue. But it didn’t.
Everything remained the same, except I got more relaxed. When
I stopped trying to be a
tidy/organised/all-my-addresses-in-one-place sort of
person, I let of this huge weight of guilt. Yes, my son and I wear
odd socks but I no longer fret about it.
I have realised that there are some details in life that simply
don’t matter to me. Over the last 10 years, I have learnt the hard
way that it really is important for my sanity to have my basic
bill-paying/food buying/business organisational systems in place.
But matching bras, knickers and socks? Home made Christmas cookies?
I actually don’t care. But I thought I should. And when you start
to let go of those ’shoulds’, there is a lot less noise in your
head, which leaves you free to, well, figure out what you really do
want to do with your time and energy.
Like lie on the sofa and read a book about teenage vampires.
(I’m in love with Edward from the Twilight trilogy – I’m channelling
my inner angst-ridden teenager!)
xxx