The Big Peace

One of the biggest peace-givers (and also peace-robbers) around is
- other people! Although it might actually not be possible to get
on with other people all the time, there are a couple of techniques
that you can learn that will help you if you find yourself
constantly fighting with your in-laws or your other half this holiday.

Today, think about someone you can’t stand. Now, for 5 minutes,
step into the other person’s shoes and see life through their eyes.
Get a sheet of paper and write quickly and without thinking too
hard: What does X believe about these 10 issues:
work/motherhood/parenting/love/money/life/sex/relationships/housework/health?
Once you’ve written a phrase or sentence for each, write down why
you think X believes these things. Is it the way they were brought
up? The more you understand where they’re coming from, the easier
it will be to see them as human beings rather than some kind of
monster/enemy. If you can understand and then accept that this is
simply the way they see the world, and nothing to do with a
personal attack on you, you can stop being defensive.

Next, decide to give up your painful story. If you’re struggling
with someone, it’s often because you are telling or re-telling some
kind of ‘painful story’. By telling this story, we label and judge
someone. Then we spend our time constantly searching for evidence
to support this view of them. You may have made a decision that
someone is ‘nice but dim’ or ‘controlling and manipulative’, ‘cold
and competitive’.

So try this exercise.
First, define in two adjectives how you would you describe this
other person. Now ask yourself which painful story do these
adjectives refer back to? For example, the time when your
mother-in-law turned up and the first thing she did was put on her
rubber gloves and clean your kitchen – and you decided she was
controlling and judgemental. Now ask yourself if you’d be willing
to start looking for a new story to tell. Ask yourself what two
new, positive adjectives could you find to describe your
mother-in-law? For example, supportive and helpful. You may not be
able to change the other person, but you can change the way you see
them and the stories you tell yourself about them in your head.

Have a lovely weekend!
Suzy x
P.S remember The Big Peace Live starts February 1st. If you book
before 31st December you get 3 x half hour telephone coaching sessions
with me for free!