The Big Peace

So how do you get from the misery of Christmas martyrdom to making a little bit merry?

Say F**k it. Oh, we’ve done that already.

Ok, try another small but equally powerful word ‘no’. Yes, yes, yes, I know we all know about ‘no’.

But if you’re a people pleaser it’s the word you’ll have the most trouble with.

Why? Because we say yes, because we want people to like us, to think we’re great and by saying YES, it gets our need for approval met.

The coaching model recommends that you don’t try to get over your needs or deny them but to get them met in a healthier way.

Saying yes gets your needs mets instantly- people nod, smile and think you’re fabulous – for running the stall on the Christmas fayre/baking the cakes/having everyone round for Christmas lunch/organising the Christmas do but what does it cost you in the long run? (Why is it always you stressed up to the eyeballs where everyone else is having fun with the champagne?)

So here’s the rub – how can we say no but still get your need for approval met?

Try some of these three strategies:

Focus on gaining long-term respect versus approval. If you’re a people pleaser you find it hard to say no because you want to be liked and approved of in the moment. But often this can back-fire because we often over promise and can’t deliver long-term and ultimately this makes every one very stressed. Learn to say no so you can create realistic, deliverable results in whatever you do. You then become someone everyone can trust – which gets you the respect and approval you crave.

Build your list of resources. The approval addict’s most commonly used phrase is: ‘Yes, of course, I’ll help you with that.’ Instead of offering to help, build up a list of brilliant resources that can help others – from useful websites to inspirational books to a list of great caterers? People still think you’re wonderful but you’re not up ’til midnight cooking the Christmas cake or writing your colleague’s report while they’re off to the Christmas do.

Build your list of phrases. It really helps to have the right vocabularyt hat you have perfected, which allows you to say no but also helps the other person. ‘I’m sorry, my plate is really full right now, I can’t help you with this but have you tried….?’ Or ‘I’d love to help you with this but I simply don’t have the time. I tell you where you might be able to find some help with this….’

I hope you have a lovely Sunday.

Suzy x

P.S Remember this programme is completely free but we’re hoping you’re going to donate to Lynne McNicoll’s brilliant charity, helping teenagers with cancer.

P.P.S The Big Peace Live starts February 1st. Sign up before 31st December and you get 3 x free one to one telephone sessions with me.